How I Roll....

Some of you are aware that I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Unfortunately, it is not the kind that makes me keep my apartment or my car clean. Rather, it is the type that keeps me awake at night worrying that a brush fire is going to burn me alive. Generally, I am able to pray, meditate and use coping skills and I manage just fine. However, as the trip nears, my craziness grows. During this trip I am going to encounter two of my three most anxiety provoking situations, flying and being a passenger in a vehicle driving in the mountains. I have also noticed a bit of a germ phobia. Thus, today's topic. And yes, I know I am crazy.

Last week, I went to my general physician. I explained the vacation that I was set to embark upon. After a brief fit of laughter, he ask "So what do you need?". This was the response that I was seeking. By the time I left, I was holding the golden ticket, a prescription for Ativan. While I believe it is important to use all non-medical interventions prior to turning to benzos, these are desperate times. As the prescription was filled, a smile crept across my face....I was going to make it! You see, when it comes to flying, I prefer to fly Mr. T style. For those of you not sure of the reference, Mr. T played B.A. Baracus on one of the most fabulous TV shows of the '80s, the A-Team. Whenever the Team had to go to another country to fight the day's battle, B.A. Baracus would respond "I ain't gettin on no plane", at which point someone would give him a glass of milk laced with tranquilizers and he would wake up at the destination spot, completely unaware of his journey. In my ideal world, this is what would happen to me and I would merely wake up calling someone a "fool" for taking me on a plane.

My last flight was to Chicago with my friend Samantha. We flew Southwest and found seats in the front of the plane. The set up was cockpit, bathroom, emergency exit, and then seating. Every time someone got up to use the bathroom, I had a vision of them going to the emergency exit and opening the door, mistaking it for the bathroom and all of the passengers would be vented out of the plane, meeting their doom. So what did I do? I became the aisle monitor, directing everyone that came up by my seat to use the correct door and to not linger around the emergency door, as the giant warning "exit" sign and complicated locking mechanism was not enough to thwart the ignorance of the passengers. Yes, I know I am crazy.

During the trip, my father and my sister will be driving. My father is the king of looking everywhere but the road while pointing out landmarks and my sister has difficulty giving up the right of way or even following behind another car on the road. Now most people would be able to adjust to both of these situations, noting the numerous statistics that state how safe flying is and the guard rails keeping vehicles from going off the cliffs, however I am someone who is all about "the odds". I figure, if a person is in a car crash, they have decent odds of survival. If a plane crashes or an RV goes off the edge of the Alps, odds of survival are significantly reduced.....hence the Ativan. And yes, I know I am crazy.

As for the germs, I never considered myself to be phobic about germs, until I realized the number of public restrooms that I would be using on this trip. So what did I do? I went to Target, because I knew Target would have an answer for me. And did they ever! Not only did I pick up several travel-sized rolls of toilet paper and sanitizing hand wipes, but I found the motherload...travel packages of toilet seat covers. That's what I'm talking about!!! Now granted they are made for children and have colorful pictures of balloons and kittens on them, but my derriere will not have to have direct contact with a public toilet for the duration of the trip. And no, that is not crazy, that's just right.

Until next time,

Heather